I'm down for the Twins. South location is better than RR. Congrats on the sale of the bike. I was saying that Chas wants a boat and if I get this RE deal to domino we could be on the lake next spring too. He's thinking party barge and I'm good with that. Go fast **** on the lake is stupid.

Next time we go out to CR 12 I would like to see Jan's new neighborhood. It's way sw for me so it's not an option in my life but I know they have been building some really great stuff out there for a couple years. Not many but at least they didn't flatline.

If we're going to the twins you're driving. My new truck is not urban parkinglot friendly. With the bread box it's 45 feet long.

Leave for Jackson Wy for a couple days then back. I think my phone will be on up there but not pos.

 

I'll be running through there the week of 20-24 Jun but unfortunately driving a U-Haul with car carrier as I am moving my mother back from Seattle to Texas. Plan a stop off in Yellowstone for the day then back on the road.

 

I wish I could have moved my Mom back to Texas for the last few years of her life. She had it better at home and she was very safe. More importantly in the end, she lingered very little. This was her biggest fear. She had a twin brother that lingered for nearly thirty months before he passed. Cost the family a fortune

 

I understand all of that! She's getting up there in years and there is simply no one to take care of her since my brother died up there last October. My sister and I are both here in Ft. Worth so she'll have us looking out for her.

 

Teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"

The teacher had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited outside the office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9"

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.

The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third-grade."

The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agree.

Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry: "Legs"

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" (The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)

Harry: "Pockets"

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants"

Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...)

Harry: "Coconut"

Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

Harry: "Bubblegum"

Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands"

Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I?' sort of questions, okay?"

Harry: "Yup"

Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do"

Harry: "Tent"

Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first" (The principal was looking restless and bit tense)

Harry: "Wedding Ring"

Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good"

Harry: "Nose"

Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver"

Harry: "Arrow"

Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck"

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put his *** in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."

 

2 weeks and no posts... what's going on here!

 

Although it is hard to top the last post.

 

Stupid timer in between posts.... unless you're a super special moderator type person

 

ROT rally has come and gone in Austin... I was surprised at how few of bikes I saw roaming the city this year compared to last

 

Hey I try....

 

Just an FYI......

How woman think:

study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest with a bat up his *** while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected on this subject.

 

And even though I do live in the Peoples Republic of California, I'm still a direct descendant of Sam Houston.

So if nothing else I'm an honorary Texan

 

I guess I'm all alone here again......

The Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a "more humane" solution to this issue.

What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive. The males would then be castrated and let loose again. This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U.S. Forest Service.

All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes. Finally an old fellow wearing a big cowboy hat in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said;

"Son, I don't think you understand our problem here... these coyotes ain't ******' our sheep............ they're eatin' 'em!"

The meeting never really got back to order.


You gotta love a good dose of common sense.

 

Hahahaha! That is awesome.

 

Well just to keep things rolling.....


The most functional word in the English language......

Well, it’s **** … that’s right, ****!


**** may just be the most functional word in the English language.

Consider:
You can get ****-faced, Be ****-out-of-luck, Or have **** for brains.

With a little effort, you can get your **** together, find a place for your ****, or be asked to **** or get off the pot.

You can smoke ****, buy ****, sell ****, lose ****, find ****, forget ****, and tell others to eat ****.

Some people know their ****, while others can’t tell the difference between **** and shineola.

There are lucky *****, dumb *****, and crazy *****. There is bull ****, horse ****, and chicken ****.

You can throw ****, sling ****, catch ****, shoot the ****, or duck when the **** hits the fan.

You can give a **** or serve **** on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep **** or be happier than a pig in ****.

Some days are colder than ****, some days are hotter than ****, and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like ****, things can look like ****, and there are times when you feel like ****.

You can have too much ****, not enough ****, the right ****, the wrong **** or a lot of weird ****.

You can carry ****, have a mountain of ****, or find yourself up **** creek without a paddle.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to **** and other times you fall in a bucket of **** and come out smelling like a rose.


When you stop to consider all the facts, it’s the basic building block of the English language.

And remember, once you know your ****, you don’t need to know anything else!!

You could pass this along, if you give a ****; or not do so if you don’t give a ****!


Well, ****, it’s time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a **** and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of ****. But, if you happened to catch a load of **** from some ****-head……….

Well, **** Happens!!!

 

you been watchin' south park?!

 

**** no......

 

Well, going back for interview # 5 today for a job.... wish me luck. Been since January since I've gotten a paycheck. :-(

 

Good luck..... you don't want to know when the last time I received a paycheck from someone.....

 

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning, can you believe that..... 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.


Man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the laundry is building up!"


I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest ***** she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg."


I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.


My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.


Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my ***! Do you think I should change dentists?


A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.


I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening. "


The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I went to the thrift shop to get all her clothes back.

 

Lol!


At my dad's checkup last week, his doctor said "ok, I'm going to need a stool sample, a urine sample and a blood sample."

My dad said "that's easy, I'll just leave you my shorts."

 

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine..
And those who don't and are always
seen with a bottle of water in their hand.

As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials,
Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink
1 litre of water each day,
At the end of the year we would have absorbed
More than 1 kilo of the E. Coli bacteria
found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However,
We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer
(or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor)
Because alcohol has to go through a purification process
Of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting

Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
Than to drink water and be full of ****..

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
I'm doing it as a public service

 

Nice start to a monday... 2:30 am lol

 

I gotta get a job where my eyeballs aren't looking at a computer screen all day.

 

Replacing the drive axles on my truck. Simple brake job led me to see two torn CV boots, so there goes my weeknights!

 

If anyone needs help buying used shitty vehicles, let me know... I'm a natural! I have papers and references, and 8X10 color glossy photos to back that up.

 

I'm thinking about buying an older Mercedes with a blown head gasket, electrical problems and gutted interior. What do you think?

 

Like an SL?

 

I buy based on how cool the sound system is and how dark it is out side. The less amount of daylight, the more likely I am to buy

 

I was teasing. But really, I'm looking for a 123 diesel for under $1500, that runs and maybe has 200k on it. I had a 115 (1976 240D) that my family (starting with my mom) put over 500k on before I put it over the edge, so to speak.