Post Whoring Newbie Thread
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf ***** and sat down
next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf *****."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does
it hurt as much as tennis elbow ?"
next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf *****."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does
it hurt as much as tennis elbow ?"
Just the couch, man.. just the couch..
I told ya.. you always got a seat on MY boat.. just get your *** down here.
Um.. I only saw two options.. Mountains and Lake.. what was third? Is that NC education system failing you? or is it me that can't count?
Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the
results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female
hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer
consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain
phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into
women.
To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1
hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:
1) argued over nothing.
2) refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary
results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female
hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer
consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain
phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into
women.
To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1
hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:
1) argued over nothing.
2) refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary
Here's one for you...... Lily Allen - **** you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvWj1...layer_embedded
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvWj1...layer_embedded
A Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.
Here is your first question, the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.'
'Without numbers?' The Cajun says, 'Dat is easy.' And proceeds to draw three trees.
What's this?' the boss asks.
'Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,' says the Cajun.
'Fair enough,' says the boss. 'Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.'
The Cajun stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. 'Ere you go.'
The boss scratches his head and says, 'How on earth do you get that to represent 99?'
'Each of DA trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99.'
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Cajun, so he says, 'All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.'
The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, 'Ere you go. One hundred.'
The boss looks at the attempt. 'You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!'
The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, 'A little dog come along and poop by each tree.. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which make one hundred.'
The Cajun is the new supervisor.
Here is your first question, the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.'
'Without numbers?' The Cajun says, 'Dat is easy.' And proceeds to draw three trees.
What's this?' the boss asks.
'Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,' says the Cajun.
'Fair enough,' says the boss. 'Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.'
The Cajun stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. 'Ere you go.'
The boss scratches his head and says, 'How on earth do you get that to represent 99?'
'Each of DA trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99.'
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Cajun, so he says, 'All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.'
The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, 'Ere you go. One hundred.'
The boss looks at the attempt. 'You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!'
The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, 'A little dog come along and poop by each tree.. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which make one hundred.'
The Cajun is the new supervisor.
Tom stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity.
He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing.
Finally his exasperated partner asked, “What in the world is taking so long?”
“My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony,” Sam explained. “I want to make a perfect shot.”
His companion said, “You don't have a chance in hell of hitting her from here.”
He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing.
Finally his exasperated partner asked, “What in the world is taking so long?”
“My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony,” Sam explained. “I want to make a perfect shot.”
His companion said, “You don't have a chance in hell of hitting her from here.”
A woman called her doctor and said she had been stung by a bee while playing golf.
The doctor asked her where she had been stung.
She replied between the first and second hole.
The doctor replied her stance was too wide
The doctor asked her where she had been stung.
She replied between the first and second hole.
The doctor replied her stance was too wide
I've sent text, I've called, I've pinged your ***, And....Nothing!!
WTH dude? Let's do lunch soon...catch up.. call me..