Post Whoring Newbie Thread
10-02-2007 | 07:05 AM
#5401
Moderate-whore
MotoGP
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,049
From: Leander TX!!
10-02-2007 | 07:06 AM
#5402
Post Whore Junior
MotoGP
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,825
From: Triad, NC
10-02-2007 | 07:08 AM
#5404
Moderate-whore
MotoGP
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,049
From: Leander TX!!
Just a little Rant...nothing serious...had to get it out...
I just wish I had some lead I could follow up on. I have nothing at the point...I am worthless, I am pond scumm........aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh
Ok, that was a little over the top, but hey, I am do...
I just wish I had some lead I could follow up on. I have nothing at the point...I am worthless, I am pond scumm........aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh
Ok, that was a little over the top, but hey, I am do...
10-02-2007 | 09:11 AM
#5413
Post Whore Junior
MotoGP
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,825
From: Triad, NC
I work for an Electrical Contractor. I was an electrician, now I'm an estimator/project manager officially. but I do everything around here.. invoicing, tracking jobs, customer relations, labor relations, banking.. everything but make the big bucks of an owner.. I am in line to take over the company if I want to in a year or so...
10-02-2007 | 10:29 AM
#5414
Banned
MotoGP
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 5,942
From: Lake View Terrace, CA
A young Sindhi boy moved to London and went to Harrods
looking for a job.
The manager asked "Do you have any sales experience?"
The young man answered "Yeah, I was a salesman back
home in Kalyaan"
The manager liked the Sindhi so he gave him the job.
His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but
he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the manager came down
and asked, "OK, so
how many sales did you make today?"
The Sindhi said "One!"
The manager groaned and continued, "Just one? Our
sales people average 20
or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"
£ 124, 237.64. pounds"
The manager choked and exclaimed 124,237.64 POUNDS!!
What the hell did you sell him?"
"Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a
medium fish hook, and then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he
said down at the coast,
so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to
the boat department
and I sold him that twin-engined Power Cat.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would
pull it, so I took him
down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x 4 Suzuki".
The manager, incredulous, said "You mean to tell m
e....a guy came in here
to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a 4x4?"
"No no no......he came in here to buy a box of tampons
for his lady friend and I said.........'Well, since your weekend's buggered, you might as well go fishing."
looking for a job.
The manager asked "Do you have any sales experience?"
The young man answered "Yeah, I was a salesman back
home in Kalyaan"
The manager liked the Sindhi so he gave him the job.
His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but
he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the manager came down
and asked, "OK, so
how many sales did you make today?"
The Sindhi said "One!"
The manager groaned and continued, "Just one? Our
sales people average 20
or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"
£ 124, 237.64. pounds"
The manager choked and exclaimed 124,237.64 POUNDS!!
What the hell did you sell him?"
"Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a
medium fish hook, and then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he
said down at the coast,
so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to
the boat department
and I sold him that twin-engined Power Cat.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would
pull it, so I took him
down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x 4 Suzuki".
The manager, incredulous, said "You mean to tell m
e....a guy came in here
to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a 4x4?"
"No no no......he came in here to buy a box of tampons
for his lady friend and I said.........'Well, since your weekend's buggered, you might as well go fishing."
10-02-2007 | 12:16 PM
#5415
Post Whore Junior
MotoGP
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,825
From: Triad, NC
To which I reply:
Planting The Tomatoes
An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad.
A few days later, he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Vinnie.
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Vinnie.
Planting The Tomatoes
An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad.
A few days later, he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Vinnie.
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Vinnie.
10-02-2007 | 12:23 PM
#5416
Moderatio est Figmentum
Superstock
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 427
From: Covington, Georgia
And so forth
Two bikers walk out of a bar one evening and see a dog licking himself.
The first biker say's "Man I wish I could do that."
To which the second biker replies "You may want to ask the dog first."
The first biker say's "Man I wish I could do that."
To which the second biker replies "You may want to ask the dog first."
10-02-2007 | 01:44 PM
#5420
Banned
MotoGP
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 5,942
From: Lake View Terrace, CA
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C. One from New Jersey, another from Tennessee and the third, Florida. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The New Jersey contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700"
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The New Jersey contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."
"Done!", replies the government official.
And that friends, is how it all works !!!
The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The New Jersey contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700"
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The New Jersey contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."
"Done!", replies the government official.
And that friends, is how it all works !!!
10-03-2007 | 04:58 AM
#5423
Post Whore Junior
MotoGP
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,825
From: Triad, NC
Mad Cow Disease Explained
A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease.
"Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?"
"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?"
"Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?"
"And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?"
"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?"
"Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your **** twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"
A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease.
"Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?"
"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?"
"Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?"
"And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?"
"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?"
"Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your **** twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"
10-03-2007 | 05:40 AM
#5424
Moderatio est Figmentum
Superstock
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 427
From: Covington, Georgia
In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teen aged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teen aged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
10-03-2007 | 12:40 PM
#5428
Moderatio est Figmentum
Superstock
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 427
From: Covington, Georgia
A postal carrier was preparing to retire, so he made up cards for all of the homes on his normal route declaring October 3 as his last official day as their postal carrier. One of the ladies on his route read the card and decided she needed to do something for him, as he had been their carrier for the last ten years. So the next morning as the postal carrier was dropping the mail in the box by the front door, she opened the door and invited him in. She then escorted him upstairs and made love to him. Afterwards she took him back down stairs and had a wonderful breakfast laid out for him. After finishing the breakfast she handed him a five dollar bill and said thank yu for all of the years of delivering mail. Being of the curious nature he asked what he had done to deserve such special attention, as all he had ever done was deliver their mail. The woman replied, after reading your note, I asked my husband what we should do for your retirement and he said ah screw him, give him five bucks. Breakfast was my idea.
10-03-2007 | 01:25 PM
#5429
Post Whore Junior
MotoGP
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,825
From: Triad, NC
